Honoring Emotions
Grief and the Holidays.
Thanksgiving is just a few days away, and Christmas is just around the corner. The holiday's sights, sounds, and smells create joy for some, but for others, it may prompt your heart to race, the pit in your stomach to appear, and even a tear in your eyes. This may be an indication of unresolved grief, and you are grieving. How do I know? It happens to me, and I'm speaking firsthand. I will lean into my emotions and allow myself to feel. You see, I, too, am approaching the Christmas Holiday with loved ones missing. My parents are both deceased, and we are now empty nesters. We have beautiful memories of our dad and mom, and although we grieve the loss, we will cherish the joy of holidays past.
It doesn't matter if your heart is broken because someone died, a relationship has gone wrong, or your childhood was painful; it doesn't matter; the emotional pain of grief is real. It is a normal and natural response to your loss, and the stimulus of the holidays may seem overwhelming, but allow yourself to feel to heal.
The holidays also remind me of beautiful memories of Mom in the kitchen, with a love for preparing cakes and pies and, oh, the smells that would rise from the pots on the stove! Smells of the pending traditional meal! With each family arrival, the sounds grew louder as siblings gathered with kids and grandkids; laughter, singing, and praying would often erupt. We deeply loved this time with Dad and Mom, and I cherish the memories of Christmas's sights, sounds, and smells.
The type of loss doesn't matter; it could be the loss of a loved one, or if you can't see your family this year, you might feel weary about the holidays. You might ask, "What's so merry about this Christmas?" There is good news: grief doesn't have to impact the holiday season for the rest of your life.
Being aware in advance that holidays can be difficult, I am sharing some tips that you may find helpful.
1. You can decide in advance what you want your holidays to be even when the emotions erupt.
2. Plan. If you don't want to celebrate, it's okay; do your best not to isolate yourself. It's normal and natural to feel as if you are on your own in your grief and no one understands, but having a place to go or a friend to call can be most helpful. Being alone in isolation has the potential to make you feel worse.
2. Be truthful about how you feel. It is crucial, and sharing your thoughts is essential so it doesn't stay bottled up. A simple acknowledgment often helps. Saying something like, "Currently, I feel sad that my loved one won't be with us this Christmas."
3. Take time and decide which traditions you will continue and which you want to change. Make a dish or a unique decoration to honor your loved one who died or discuss your favorite holiday memories with family and friends.
4. Try to avoid overeating or over-drinking. Remember, eating and drinking can be substituted for not feeling bad. The sugar and alcohol won't make you feel better but will make you feel different. Then, the cause of your sadness is not addressed. I know it's difficult, but try to feel your feelings rather than disguise them.
The holiday's sights, sounds, and smells create joy for some, but for others, it may prompt the emotions of grief and sadness. If you find yourself stuck in your grief additional help may be needed. There are many valuable educational tools in my toolbox from Grief Recovery, and I would like to share more with you. Consider signing up for a Grief Recovery Outreach Program.
We offer one-on-one online and group sessions. Book a discovery conversation at anna@al-woods.com. The program will help you acquire the necessary tools to process grief's emotional pain and live life joyfully!
Please share this blog with someone who may be struggling this holiday season. Follow me @alwcoaching on social media for motivational tips for getting through each day while grieving.
Wishing you a joyful holiday season!
Thank you for meeting me here!
Anna Laura!
